Cynical much?
03 Jun 2010
My blog post ‘Exam Season’ provoked a response both on and off-line (I’m just glad someone reads them): my favourite comment from a friend of mine was “you’re brave sticking your neck out and having a pop at parents!”
This, whilst not my intention – re-read what I said – has pleased me somewhat! Not least because it has made me think about the role of parents in not only bringing up children but also in the impact that they have on their children’s faith.
I have long recognised that I am not the most powerful influence on a teenager’s life and for about as long as I have known this I have been a very strong believer that my role as a youth leader is not as a faith service provider to young people. I am not a quasi-parent and nor would I ever try to give parenting “how to…” advice to parents of teenagers (at least not until I have my own and then I might).
The most powerful force in a young person’s life is their family and particularly their parents.
Parents have a serious influence on the way a young person lives their life, from their moral compass to their political ideologies, to their personal faith in God.
I know this to be true but it’s always good to have some evidence to back it up so a quick Google search later and I find a study from Abilene University in the States which found that young people who reported having positive family communication were twice as likely to perceive God as important in their lives than those who reported negative family communication.
As I was musing over these findings and beginning to see afresh the huge responsibility that parents carry (a responsibility that slightly scares me as and when God willing I become a father at some point in the future – I love spending time with young people but I quite like saying goodbye to them at 10.30pm on a Friday night) I was pointed in the direction of an excellent article by Rob Parsons in the latest edition of Christianity Magazine.
In “Cynicism corrupts”, Parsons, who in researching a book that is about to be released called “Getting your kids through Church without them ending up hating God”, looks at the importance of being positive. He writes “the problem with children is sometimes not that they don’t listen to us, but that they hear every word” and the messages that they hear will have a profound influence on them and the way they think.
For example if children only ever hear cynical or negative comments from their parents about Church life – the leaders don’t know what they’re doing, the worship time drives me crazy, why do they let that person contribute, that sermon was a waste of time listening to – it should not be a surprise when they turn round aged 15 and declare that they don’t want to go anymore. In researching his book Parsons spoke to many young people about what makes it harder for them to develop a faith of their own and he found that the biggest weapon the enemy uses is cynicism. Parsons notes “cynicism is deadly because it slowly chokes the ability to believe, to see God at work and experience the reality of his love and presence. And, sadly, many of those I met had caught that cynicism from older Christians – even parents”.
Obviously, there are some young people who turn their back on God who have the most wonderful and amazing parents. The reality is every child grows up into an adult and must ultimately make up their own mind and build their own relationship with God, but this did get me thinking about my responsibility as an older Christian and at some point in the future as a parent. Am I always positive in what I say about Church life or do I sometimes come across as cynical in public?
Parsons ends the article with a quote from a parent who wants his children to be exposed to positive comments about the church; he says “I want my kids to see church through eyes that look for God at work”. Amen to that:
We should run from cynicism and seek at all times to be positive in front of our young people especially.
James Silley
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